The risk in answering the simple question: How are you?

So, I am not sure about how relatable this is, but I’m guessing someone out there has experienced something similar to this.

How many of you out there have experienced the urge to lie to people when asked the question: How are you, or How are you doing?

Raise your hand. Anyone?

This feels like the scene in mean girls, and now someone just needs to shout “She doesn’t even go here!” but I digress.

Back to the real point, I know that I have. And here’s why:

The situation is usually casual, someone says hi, I say hi back, and then that dreadful question comes up.

Then my brain says quick! evaluate the situation! Do you tell them how you are actually doing, that you’re falling apart inside, or that you’re fantastic and feeling great about everything right now, or do you just say the polite and impersonal “fine” and move on with your day??

Now usually, this problem happened to me on a pretty regular basis. For one, if I was feeling really depressed, which used to happen very frequently and occasionally does, I didn’t trust people to care enough about how I was doing. I figured they actually just expected fine and would be happier if I lied to their face.

Or, maybe I was feeling great and didn’t want to brag if I knew the other person was having a particularly rough day.

So, why does this happen? That’s what I’m currently wondering. Why do I automatically assume the worst in people and make the assumption that they don’t actually care about the truth and are just being polite by asking? Well for one, I’m kind of a pessimist. I’ve tried to change that about myself slowly over the years, and I’m getting better.

One thing I’ve started trying to do is just tell the truth. The absolute truth. With pretty much everyone. And maybe you think that’s crazy. Maybe it’s crazy that I haven’t been doing that already. Yeah strangers, not so much, but sometimes I slip up. Why? Because I’m slowly starting to trust people again. I’ve had a lot of people walk out on me for various reasons, and I think I slowly started to lose faith in all people. I started to believe the lie that I wasn’t good enough for anyone, and that everyone secretly hates me and only puts up with me. Yeah. I just admitted to that. I know it’s a lie. I do have people who care about me. But every once in awhile that insecurity creeps back into my head and I believe I’m not worth listening to, and my difficulties or even happiness doesn’t matter to other people. So yeah, kind of a big trust issue. Clearly some of it is coming back with the fact that I’ve just said all of this in general and I’ve started to talk to people. I don’t know if it was all the years of therapy I’ve been going through, or if friends helped me realize I should be more trusting, or if it was a decision I made on my own. Not that it matters, I’ve still been doing it. I tell people honestly how I’m doing, and it feels good.

For one, people have proved to me that they do care, and it feels nice to have those people who do care.

I have also come across some people who don’t want to hear all of that information and that’s fine too. It shows me who does really care about how I’m doing and who doesn’t. Now my brain doesn’t have to fight and play that stupid guessing game all the time because I’m willing to be vulnerable enough to tell people. I don’t go into every single detail all the time, I try to filter those things, but it feels good to tell people I’m not actually doing the greatest and to not put on some fake mask.

And anyone who knows me well knows I can’t even pull off trying to act okay, most people can read me like a book. Hiding emotion doesn’t work for me. So even better, now people won’t feel shut out and know that I’m hiding things.

There are still times when I feel the need to hide myself. But I am slowly getting better, and I am figuring out who accepts me for me completely. It’s a great thing to know actually. And it’s way more people than my pessimistic brain would ever assume.

So I’m almost done with this, first I have to say, I hope that everyone can try to be a little more trusting and vulnerable. Maybe not with everyone but some people.

Also, I hope that others can honestly tell me how they are doing. At least my friends. I don’t always feel like they open up to me. And it hurts a little. I know I shouldn’t take everything so personally, but it really does. It bothers me a lot when people won’t tell me how they feel honestly. Which is bad, because maybe they don’t know how to tell me how they feel. My therapist actually was glad I could identify my feelings so well, so maybe its not so common. Maybe its hard for some people to understand their feelings. I just hope that they can trust me with those things. I had a friend who was once upset that I didn’t ask her about how she was doing more often. I was shocked, I didn’t think I had to ask. Maybe that’s why I make it such a point to ask my friends that more now. I just hope they know that I want to hear the truth, whether they are happy or sad, I want to share those times with them. So, with that I’m going to end with some of my favorite songs that I believe fit this subject. I hope you all enjoyed this little vulnerable sort of discussion, and I would love to hear feedback if you have any!

Here are the lyrics to the songs:

Soldier

By Gavin DeGraw

Where did all the people go?
They got scared when the lights went low.
I’ll get you through it nice and slow,
When the world’s spinning out of control.

Afraid of what they might lose
Might get scraped or they might get bruised.
You could beg them, what’s the use?
That’s why it’s called a moment of truth

I’ll get it if you need it,
I’ll search if you don’t see it,
You’re thirsty, I’ll be rain,
You get hurt, I’ll take your pain.

I know you don’t believe it,
But I said it and I still mean it,
When you heard what I told you,
When you get worried I’ll be your soldier.

Funny when times get hard,
At the last moment when you’re supposed to charge,
Always on the longest yard,
Oh, they feel their feet getting cold.

Hiding here, hiding there,
Find them underneath the stairs,
People hiding everywhere,
Trying to be still like a stone.

I’ll get it if you need it,
I’ll search if you can’t see it,
You’re thirsty, I’ll be rain,
You get hurt, I’ll take your pain.

I know you don’t believe it,
But I said it and I still mean it,
When you heard what I told you,
When you get worried I’ll be your soldier.

My aim is so true,
I wanna show you,
I’ll try forever,
I’m never gonna say “surrender”.

I’ll get it if you need it,
I’ll search if you can’t see it,
You’re thirsty, I’ll be rain,
You get hurt, I’ll take your pain.

I know you don’t believe it,
But I said it and I still mean it,
When you heard what I told you,
When you get worried I’ll be your soldier.

I’ll be your soldier
Well I’ll be, oh I’ll be your soldier

I’ll be your soldier

Brother

By Needtobreathe

Ramblers in the wilderness we cant find what we need
Get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between
Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes
Everybody needs someone beside em shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother let me be your shelter
Ill never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When youre low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert now theres a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were
Now my hands cant reach that far
I aint made for a robbery I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am stronger
Its your love that brings me home

Brother let me be your shelter
Ill never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When youre low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When youre low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When youre feeling low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call
When youre low
Brother let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Brother let me be your shelter
Brother let me be your shelter
Brother let me be your shelter
Brother let me be your shelter
Brother let me be your shelter

No Man Is an Island

By Tenth Avenue North

I won’t run, I will stay
I’m not leaving you
I know there’s friction here
The struggle makes us new

I wish you never thought you had to go
Wish you never thought you had to leave
Together we can lift each other up
We can build a shelter for the weak

No man is an island, we can be found
No man is an island, let your guard down
You don’t have to fight me, I am for you
We’re not meant to live this life alone

I see fear in your eyes
There’s no safety here
Oh, my friend, let me in
I will share your tears

I wish you never thought you had to go
I wish you never thought you had to leave
We can always lift each other up
We can build a shelter for the weak, come on

No man is an island, we can be found
No man is an island, let your guard down
Please don’t try to fight me, I am for you
We’re not meant to live this life alone

Through trouble, rain, or fire
Let’s reach out to something higher
Ain’t no life outside each other
We are not alone
Through trouble, rain, or fire
Let’s reach out to something higher
Eyes open to one another
We are not alone

No man is alone
Why you try to fight me
We don’t have to do it alone
We don’t have to do it alone
We don’t have to do it alone

I truly truly truly believe that. We don’t have to do it alone. Let’s work together and be there for each other. When we ask that simple question, let’s be bold enough to answer with the truth, and let people in. We weren’t created by the God who loves us dearly to be alone. Thanks for reading, all of those who do.

~Chloe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s