Goals and Dreams…one of the hardest questions to answer.

So! I haven’t actually made an actual blog post in awhile. I tried to right after easter and unfortunately it got deleted. I had some cool stuff to say, but the important part was getting my thoughts out in some way. Maybe those thoughts and words will come again sometime. But tonight I wanted to focus on a new topic. A very recent topic that has come up a lot in my life lately. And that is the topic of goal setting and dreams. In my opinion, one of the hardest questions to answer is when someone asks me about my goals and my dreams for the future. So this is me explaining why. I don’t think this post will need any huge warnings, it may get semi-personal but isn’t that the point of blogs? To share my experience with the world? Well anyway, I may mention some “heavy” topics if you consider therapy as a really negative or scary thing to hear about but it’s not the main focus anyway so we should be good!! Okay here we go!

I found this quote (see featured image) in some of my photos I had posted on my main about me page and this related well to the topic. Also, I love C.S. Lewis so bonus there. “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream…” Wow. I don’t think I’ve met a lot of people who would disagree with that anyway but I suppose when you get to a certain age you may think there is nothing left for you to want to do. Personally, I am sorry if your life comes to that, because that seems like a negative view on life. Every day is a new day, and a new adventure. This quote, when I just read it for the second or so time, actually reminded me of some other quotes: “What if its not everything I dreamed it would be? And what if it is? What do I do then? ‘Well that’s the good part I guess, you get to find a new dream,'” This first set of quotes is from Tangled (and I LOVE that movie so much but mostly I love Disney in general. It also reminded me of another (Yes still Disney) reference “Adventure is out there!!” -Up. This one may not seem as closely related as the first one, but the adventures in life can be your dreams. It was Carl’s dream in Up since he was a child, and Ellie’s, to visit paradise falls. And the fact that he followed that dream even as an old man about to lose his house especially reminds me of the quote. You are NEVER too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. Or even follow an old one. His original dream (for those of you who may not be familiar with this pixar film) was to take Ellie with him to Paradise Falls. He ended up on a slightly different adventure, but I’ll let you go watch it to hear more about that.

Now, I love this quote, but it also troubles me. Some people I feel are very good at pin pointing exactly what they want for their future and what their goals or dreams are. That’s awesome! But I, am not one of those people. Β Which is also okay in some senses. It is good to set goals for yourself to improve your well-being, or to become better at a certain activity or sport. But goals can be especially difficult because then they should also be achievable, or realistic. I think that is the difference between a dream and a goal. A dream can be anything you want it to be, no matter how realistic others may think it is. And I strongly believe that dreams are important too. After all, dreams start at a young age with imagination and child-like beliefs that you can do anything. I think that if I didn’t grow up believing in dreams, I would have had a much less interesting childhood. But getting to adulthood, I feel that goals are stressed more than dreams. So often people ask me, “what do you want to do after college” and I’m only a freshman. People are already questioning exactly what I want to accomplish after I get a degree! Those poor seniors must get this question all the time. And if you’re like me, and you don’t exactly know, this question can almost get to the point of being painful.

Why is this painful? Because when people ask me about my goals I think they have to seem plausible and achievable. I don’t want people to laugh at my goals or look down on me and tell me I could never achieve something like that. Already with an extremely low self esteem, this is why I struggle to set goals. I never know what’s possible to achieve, especially for a mere small girl in this huge universe we live in. I actually have already experienced some points where I feel like people are limiting my abilities for me. And they mean well, they are usually what you would call realists. Which is fine, but it hurts, when you feel like people don’t believe in you. How can you be expected to believe in yourself when no one else does?

Then there is also the problem of comparison. THIS is exactly why I have self esteem issues. In the culture I grew up in, it seems like you had to be the “best” the “prettiest” the “smartest” in order to be worth something. Which is not true at all. Now I’m not going to push my faith on anyone here, but as I have grown as a Christian, I have learned that this is not where my identity comes from. It should never come from others, but from Christ. Christ says I am loved, he made me in HIS own image, I am not a mistake. I may have quirks and bruises and differences from the rest of the world, but everyone does. How boring would this world be if we were all “perfect” anyway? Differences make us interesting and unique. I’m getting slightly off topic, but going back to goal setting. Sometimes I have felt that I need to set goals for myself to society’s standards. Which is also not true. Society is such an annoying thing in general for me lately. But that’s another story.

So, why has this come up? Well for one, I just got back into therapy. And my treatment for my mental health issues usually involves a lot of goal setting. This has also come up in welcome week leader training, and of course, academically with school. So I’m actually being forced to analyze myself and think about what my goals really are. Not that I don’t analyze myself constantly anyway.

One other quote or saying that has also stood out to me with goal setting is the serenity prayer. This has been brought up in many areas of my life in the past year. And I am IN LOVE with what it says.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I love this. This is how goal setting should be used. So often I have tried to perfect things and change myself for others or the wrong reasons. I used to strive for acceptance. Now I just want acceptance from myself. Sometimes my anxiety puts the silly thought in my head that I need to fix everything, and I should try to do everything perfectly. But I’m learning to accept that this is not healthy or possible. There are things I cannot change (society for example–not by myself anyway, or even any other person). I am learning to know the difference. The courage to change the things I can, that is the hardest part for me lately. I have no idea why, I’ve tried to think back on my life and discover why I have such a lack of faith in myself and self confidence. There are a few factors I think may have to do with it, but it doesn’t matter why. Just that I do. I know that I shouldn’t be reckless and think I can do anything I want magically or without consequence, and definitely without hard work, but positive attitudes really do make a difference. So, I guess one of my goals is learning how exactly to set good goals for myself. And realizing they don’t always have to be huge. Or that they don’t have to be exactly down to the detail. I should let some things happen the way they will. I have to accept that my dreams are separate from my goals.

My other goals for right now and in my near future:

  1. To create for myself a better self-esteem, and get to the point of appreciating who I am even in my weaknesses.
  2. To accept the things I cannot change. (eg. bad test scores happen, I will learn from my mistakes)
  3. To appreciate my strengths instead of only focusing on my weaknesses
  4. To use whatever abilities I have available to me to do something good. Whether I get into my desired major or not, to find something I can do that I love, and that will have a positive influence on the world.

And my dreams:

  1. To make a difference in the world
  2. To help people in any way that I can
  3. To show the world boldly who I belong to (Christ) and have them notice that difference
  4. To find a husband who will encourage me and help me grow in my faith.
  5. To have a family and raise them to be positive influences on the world.
  6. To see the beauty in everything God created
  7. To travel to distant places and experience other cultures (already has happened a few times!!)
  8. To not only go through the motions, but live every day to the fullest, and find adventure
  9. To never lose sight of my inner child, and to always be imaginative.

And that’s about it folks! Not a super long post, but a reflection on some of the things I have been thinking about lately. Hopefully you enjoy. Here are some more inspiring quotes about dreams and goals:) have a wonderful weekend!

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Extreeeeeeeeeeme Hot Seat: Get to know me Time!!

This is actually copied from my old blog website from google, but I didn’t like the set up as much! So here it is again

So I recently went to a conference called Woman Maker, and this is one of the things we did the first night to get to know our family group. I answered all of the 100 questions. Now whoever may be curious, my friends or family, can get to know a little more about me! πŸ™‚ Enjoy!

1. Who is your hero? So many….Cindi Foster, Jenni Tanner, Cullen Tanner, Ashley Foster, my little sister, My dad, My mom, Jamie Currell, Sarah Mallet, Megan Gullifer, Danica Thornburg, Katelynn Brintz, Emma Watson, Colleen Rudnicki, Michelle Holling, Emily Holling, Hayley Anderson, Brooke Powers, Lacy Tooker-Kirkevold, Katie Kallenbach

2. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? MINNESOTA with mountains. Otherwise Colorado:)

3. What is your biggest fear? Being alone, and letting down the people I love

4. What is your favorite family vacation. DISNEY and skiing

5. What would you change about yourself if you could? my self confidence

6. What really makes you angry? Arrogance and disrespect

7. What motivates you to work hard? Knowing I could make a difference and my dreams

8. What is your favorite thing about your career? I don’t have one yet but it will be something that involves helping others which brings me great joy.

9. What is your biggest complaint about your job? My current job doesn’t have regular hours.

10. What is your proudest accomplishment? Getting accepted into CSE at the University of MN

11. What is your child’s proudest accomplishment? ….N/A

12. What is your favorite book to read? TOO MANY hunger games, maze runner, delirium, chicken soup for the soul, city of bones, maximum ride, the BIBLE (yes thats the book for me:)), water for elephants

13. What makes you laugh the most? my family and friends πŸ™‚

14. What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? I think it was night at the museum 3….I LOVED IT

15. What did you want to be when you were small? XD I’m still tiny. I think for awhile I wanted to be a writer and at one point a marine biologist

16. What does your child want to be when he/she grows up. I hope successful. This obviously does not apply to me yet.

17. If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? πŸ™‚ I would sing!!! Sing and Dance!!!

18. What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play. Can I choose Quelf? Also tennis:)

19. Would you rather ride a bike, a horse, or drive a car? horse if not too long otherwise BIKE

20. What would you sing at karaoke night? Drops of Jupiter-Train

21. What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? KTIS and Cities97

22. Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house? Vacuum and dance around

23. If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work? Yard work.

24. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life what would it be? Macaroni and CHEESE

25. Who is your favorite Author? GOD! and also Cassandra Clare

26. Have you ever had a nickname? What is it? Peanut, ChloPumpkin, Chloster, ChloFlo, Chlo.

27. Do you like or dislike surprises? Why? Depends on the surprise, usually I do enjoy them.

28. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read? read or movie depends on my mood

29. Would you rather live in Hawaii or Alaska and why? Alaska cuz SNOW

30. Would you rather win the lottery or land the perfect job? And why? Job because it will last.

31. Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island? Phil or John cuz they are smart:) and fun

32. If money was no object, what would you do all day? Travel for missions

33. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to? The time with Jesus duh

34. How would your friends describe you? Silly, weird, crazy, fun, energetic

35. What are your hobbies? Dance, singing, Tennis, Skiing, Boating πŸ™‚ , crocheting, reading, writing, coloring, overthinking

36. What is the best gift you have been given? God’s love and forgiveness.

37. What is the worst gift you have received? Shame

38. Aside from food, water, and shelter, what one thing could you not go a day without? Sadly my phone. Or music.

39. List two pet peeves. Cracking knuckles and using improper grammar

40. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In grad school or working for a medical device company

41. How many pairs of shoes do you own? too many

42. If you were a super-hero what powers would you have? Shield like Violet and flying

43. What would you do if you won the lottery? Find a charity that needs it.

44. What form of public transportation do you prefer? air

45. What’s your favorite zoo animal? ELEPHANTS

46. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be? I don’t know thats too hard.

47. If you could share a meal with 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be? Emma Watson, Emma Stone, Tina Fey, Ellen Degeneres.

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2

49. Whats the longest you’ve gone without sleep, and why? 12 hours cuz third grade was fun

50. Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? Looks for intelligence.

51. What’s the tallest building you’ve been to the top in? I think IDS tower? not sure. 50th floor

52. How often do you buy clothes? yearly….or seasonally…

53. Have you ever had a secret admirer? no. I doubt it. Not that I’m aware of. Isn’t that the point of the secret part though?

54. What’s your favorite Holiday? Christmas or Easter

55. What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done? ziplining across a mountain canyon

56. What was the last thing you recorded on tv? nothing lol

57. What was the last book you read? Shoot…not totally sure. I think it was Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

58. What’s your favorite type of foreign food? Escargot? I don’t totally know what this question means

59. Are you a clean or messy person? Usually clean but it depends so both…?

60. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? Emma Watson

61. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? sometimes as little as 10 minutes

62. What kitchen appliance do you use every day? Keurig πŸ™‚ coffee is a must

63. What’s your favorite fast food chain? Chik-fil-A

64. What’s your favorite family recipe? Chicken with dried beef and bacon

65. Do you love or hate roller coasters? LOVE

66. What’s your favorite family tradition? Green bean casserole for holidays

67. What is your favorite childhood memory? Ummmm…Disney world trips

68. What’s your favorite movie? Frozen and Tangled hands down

69. How old were you when you found out Santa isn’t real? How did you find out? I think I was 7 or 8; I found all of my baby teeth in my parents room and they told me the tooth fairy, Santa, and The easter bunny weren’t real. Then I ruined it for my sister.

70. Is your glass half full or half empty? Depends on my mood.

71. What is the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love? ummm…nothing as far as I know….I don’t think I’ve done anything totally crazy.

72. What three items would you take with you on a deserted island? I hate this question. A radio, a pot, and a frying pan (both for cooking and defending myself in case I come across some ruffians)

73. What was your favorite subject in school? In elementary-middle school it was Science, in High school it was math. Especially Calculus. Cuz I love Calculus.

74. What’s the most unusual thing you’ve eaten? Escargot I guess? Or kalamari…frog legs are I guess strange maybe?

75. Do you collect anything? yes ELEPHANTS

76. Is there anything you wish would come back into fashion? Gauchos!!

77. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? ummm…well I was a total introvert in high school and now I think I’m definitely an extrovert so I’m actually thoroughly confused by myself.

78. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest? Well my sight and smell suck so Taste I’d say.

79. Have you ever had a surprise party? (That was an actual surprise?) YES! Last year my sister threw me a surprise birthday party when I turned 18 and I had no idea it was happening.

80. Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous? No I don’t think so.

81. What do you do to keep fit? ….lol I’ve picked up yoga. I used to dance.

82. Does your family have a motto-spoken or unspoken? Nothing comes to mind right now honestly…

83. If you were ruler of your own country what is the first law you would introduce? No more wars, no more death penalty. There are better ways for justice in my eyes and ways to solve problems.

84. Who was your favorite teacher in school and why? Oh goodness. I have a few. My favorite english teacher was Mrs. Nordin in middle school because she made everything fun and genuinely cared about all of her students. My favorite math teacher ever was Mr. Henderson because I loved his humor and I learned a lot from him. My favorite Social Studies teacher was Ms. Askew. She was amazing at what she did and was full of knowledge in almost every area of life that she passed on. My favorite music teacher was Ms. Pavot because she taught me everything I needed to know for the basics of orchestra and dealt with us crazy middle schoolers in a music classroom. She set the foundation of me becoming a better musician.

85. What three things do you think of the most each day? God, Love, and music

86. If you had a warning label, what would it say? Warning: crazy lover of disney in your presence.

87. What song would you say best sums you up? Shake it off Taylor Swift

88. What celebrity would you like to meet for coffee? Emma Watson or Taylor Swift or Ellen Degeneres.

89. Who was your first crush? I honestly don’t know that was like 1st grade.

90. What’s the most interesting thing you can see outside of your office or kitchen window? at home my backyard and my neighbor’s backyards. At school outside my dorm room is a sidewalk and some cars.

91. On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are? I don’t honestly think I’m funny I’m just weird and make people laugh. So 7? I don’t know. I guess if you asked someone else they would think I am maybe??

92. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? hopefully married with kids

93. What was your first job? Beauty Advisor at Walgreens

94. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join? N’Sync or The spice girls

95. How many languages do you speak? Mostly one, I know some french and some italian.

96. What is your favorite family holiday tradition? I basically answered this…green bean casserole

97. Who is the most intelligent person you know? Ernie Johnson, Matt Henderson, Aaron Wynveen, Kenneth Leopold, Blair Davey, Bob Tranquillo.

98. If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? I actually told my roommate this right before I went on this retreat and was asked this question, an elephant or a turtle.

99. What is one thing you will never do again? go to a mental hospital.

100. Who knows you the best? John Pahr, Philip Ganion, Hayley Anderson, Lacy Tooker-Kirkevold, Brooke Powers, Katie Kallenbach, Stephanie Blatz, Danica Thornburg, Lauren Otto, Taylor Nadeau, Alison Ford, Mariah Dooley, Autumn Beckman, Amy Stein, Katelynn Brintz, Megan Gullifer.